the sweet girl

the moment we met was quiet honestly, awkward, as meeting your ("older") child for the first time throughout the process of adoption is for most i would assume. she smiled sweetly in the doorway--eyes hidden behind her novelty sunglasses. she wore a fancy dress with a ribbon tie and sheer overlay, a floral pattern underneath. her hair pulled into a the familiar ponytail we have seen in all her pictures. 

she greeted us with a smile and gently came into our embrace. she is 85% gentle and silly spirit and 15% put brother in his place serious.  

we feel she's picked up an impressive amount of receptive english language--that or she infers what we are trying to tell her and brother and she then, with great "confidence and conviction" tells him in mandarin. 

the hotel we stayed at while in hefei had a nice heated indoor pool and hot tub.  the little dude was weary of the pool but LOVED the hot tub. xinhua was quiet the opposite--she didn't care for the hot tub at all, but loved the pool. she even held onto her daddy's back and let him walk her around the pool. this seemed like the most frightening thing in the world to the dude, so he hung on the sidelines. 

the second night together, we split the kiddos and xinhua and i stayed in one room and the dude and daddy stayed in the other (momma HAD to sleep). (the first night was full of excited, noisy, and active chaos as described in the previous post).

a storm came through--lightening and thunder, bangs and crashes, downpours and waterfall like rain washing over our hotel room window. sweet girl became afraid and got up to turn on the light. after she got back in bed she whimpered "momma" and held my hand and feel back asleep. 

the next day was uneventful aside from walking around the small shopping area near our hotel. xinhua was more quiet this day and we allowed her to be and to have her space--we were just happy to be in the same room as her while she played on her kindle. that night as we laid in bed my sweet girl started to cry. she sat straight up and began wailing. i thought at first she had an earache from swimming in the pool for 3 days, as she had grabbed her ear and cried and screamed. we walked next door and got baba (daddy) and the dude to come back over and called our in-province guide to ask her to talk to xinhua and find out what was upsetting her. sweet girl told her that she missed her foster mother; so we helped her call her. the foster mother reassured her she was loved madly by both herself and me, and we relayed through our guide that xinhua could call and write her foster mother whenever she needed. 

to me, it's not a competition for love. i cannot deny the incredible role her foster mother played in her life for 8 years. i cannot and will not demand she forget the bond and trust she had with this woman and exchange it for instant and unwavering allegiance to me. that will come with time. trust, love, and belonging comes with time and cannot be forced, or faked. 

since that night she's had her quiet moments (i'd be more worried if she didn't) and her moments of frustration with little brother (but honestly, he's a feisty dude), but honestly, she's been more than resilient. i believe she is strong because she has to be:
when we had returned to the states, we were to move a week later, so life was still not going to "settle". two days before the moving company was to arrive, the hubs had to drive down to atlanta to close on our new house--the kiddos and i stayed "home".  we went to the pool, had junk food, and lots of fun. the next day, i had to drive down to atlanta due to a snafu with the schedule for our power, water, cable, internet, everything! to be turned on. (this put me driving down to atlanta and back up on the same day, the day before we moved!). the hubs stayed "home" with the kiddos.  i ended up not having a quick turn around trip, and on my way back the hubs called and said luke had been upset for a while and wanted to know when i was going to be home. oh, trust me, i had wanted to be home HOURS ago! i asked about sweet lucy, and he said she was doing great and even trying to calm him down. 

when i finally arrived back, they were in bed, so i went up stairs to kiss them goodnight and show them i was indeed back home. luke was good and gave me a big hug and kiss. lucy, who had been great all day, and even helping "baba" (daddy) with luke, immediately said "mama", and the tears came. she cupped her hands in front of her face and sobbed as she hugged me. i don't have to state the obvious, but i will: my heart sank. my sweet girl, strong for everyone, until she didn't have to be.

she was known as the "helper" in her orphanage. her nanny/foster mother's right hand girlie. she is here too. she folds laundry with me, better than i do, she helps wash dishes, she helps serve food, she-helps. she has such a servant heart. 

we are homeschooling as much as we can for now--lots of ground to cover. she has made incredible strides, and continues to impress us with her desire to learn. on her own, one day last week, she brought us a piece of paper where she had written out the englsih alphabet in upper AND lower case letters. she's become very fond of math lately, and every little milestone is a great celebration. no progress is too slight to escape notice and jubilee. 

we received the greatest treasure ANY adoptive parent could when we met them in china---HUNDREDS of photos of her (and also of her brother, but his post is next...) from her time with her orphanage/foster group.  y'all, Half the Sky really is all about the children. i cannot describe the overwhelming feeling of joy that i have hundreds of pictures of her from her young toddler years to current. most families have only pictures that came with updates--we have developmental milestone, memories, activities, etc. recorded--in photos! 

until i can scan some of those and share them, here's a few of our sweet lucy-girl: 

feeding koi :)

meeting birdie for the first time! :)

she loves gnarls barkley too (the dog, hasn't heard the rapper yet!)

childhood complete: merry-go-round! 

call her dr. doo-lucy! 

everyone loves stello!

first time on a trampoline!

COMING UP: ALL ABOUT THE DUDE (Luke)

and now there are 4

we landed in beijing late around mid day on friday the 12th and spent the next day and a half doing what you do in beijing: touring the forbidden city, tianamen square (which is apparently a big deal aside from it being where the young man stopped the tank), and the great wall. it our last weekend together sans our children and was spent with us exhausted, hot (but at least not rainy!), and ready to get this show on the road!

the incline/toboggan down)

walking the Great Wall (you would be disgustingly surprised how many people have vandalized it and written their names on the stones/bricks :( ) 

sunday we flew into hefei (in anhui province) and TRIED to sleep before meeting our children on monday.

you have no idea how you are going to feel, how you will react to each other: will you cry (tears of happiness), will they cry (tears of fear), will you hug them, will they let you hug them? will they pull away from you, will they gladly accept the affection they've spent their lives without...
so many questions

we were in hefei with another family from our agency (they are adopting two young girls), and we all met downstairs in our hotel lobby to ride to the civil affairs office (this is where you meet your children). they had adopted several times before and were a great wealth of experience and insight into what to practically prepare for.

the civil affairs office/building is nondescript and very unceremonious for what you consider one of the biggest events of your family's life.  sterile tile floors and white walls, offices that perform civil duties such as marriage liscences, fee payments, etc. and then the room for adoptions. you are seated at a long table with other families and sort out piles of paperwork. then--with no announcement, ceremony, or even interruption, you look up (i did out of nervousness and happenstance) and saw in the doorway, the profile of my sweet and silly girl, and beside her--our goofy and larger than life boy. that was how we met--no cloud parting moment, no soft whipser introduction...they were brought to the office, just like us: in a van and walked up to the room. except they had backpacks full of candy and snacks, that was a total win for them.

first 30 seconds of meeting, loads of awkward. nothing prepares anyone involved for this. 

i was frantically trying to pull up pictures on the iPad..pictures are a universal language

seeing their doggies and cats, grandparents, and new home

she brought the first panda we sent her in a care package  :) 

trying on daddy's hat and sunglasses. he found them very silly! 

i showed them pictures of the family on our iPad: nana, aunt sherri and the cousins (her children), momo (ryan's mom), and poppie (ryan's dad), and of course the fur siblings. ryan left the room a short time later to pay the civil affairs fees, orphanage donation, and notary fees (it's best to do that to avoid the appearance that you are "buying" them as a commodity.). the orphanage donation pays nannies salaries, medical bills for the children, upkeep of buildings and supplies.

and just like that, they were ours. they were our children. in the flesh, with us.

walking out of the building, our xinhua (lucy) immediately reached out for baba's hand (baba is chinese for daddy) and i held jiacheng's (luke). that evening she called me mama. this seems exciting and sweet and wonderful, and it is, it shows she was somewhat prepared. despite her seeming prepared, we continue to let her have some control in her comfort level--we want to limit false sense of comfort.

i bathed her that night--washed her back, her shoulders, her hair, and i gently showed her how to wash her other parts.  afterward i helped her out of the shower to dry off and dry her hair. she smiled the whole time and had learned "thank you" at this point. such a sweet and "silly" thing, a child--your child, thanking you for helping them bathe. oh the precious one.

there was a snafu with our rooms booked, so we ended up with two adjoining rooms at this hotel. xinhua (lucy), jiacheng (luke), and i stayed in one room and the hubs stayed in the other. that was the second night in 4 days i went without sleep (the first night i went without sleep was our last night in the states (of course!). they laughed and jabbered, they jumped and rolled on the bed, they enjoyed their freedom.

the next day we had to go back to the civil affairs office to finalize the adoption. because xinhua is over 10, she had to sign documents stating she wanted to be adopted. luke is only 8 so they used a paint pad to color his hand red and have him put a hand-stamp down. and that was it: how it becomes "official".

we are now a family of 4. it still doesn't feel real.

i still don't feel like the mother of 2 children. (except for i do--like in the hefei airport when two older women were being rude to my sweet girl (i didn't understand a word they were saying except for mama and baba to her and i saw her frustration growing...). i walked over to them, gave them the evil eye and guided her back to us. a family traveling with us brought their oldest adopted daughter who could translate for us and told xinhua momma didn't want her talking to strangers because sometimes strangers are rude and will hurt her feelings. and then momma would have to end up in a chinese jail (except we didn't really relay that last part...)).

xinhua began asking about when we leave for america so we made this handy-dandy countdown sheet :)

upcoming posts:
all about xinhua (lucy)
all about jiacheng (luke)
the final days in guangzhou and heading home

we have prayed for over a year for these days, and we have had worship music playing in their rooms non-stop since we began the process to bring them home. we believe where His praise is, so His Spirit will too be, and we want nothing more and nothing other than for His presence to be where they are. we can commit them to Him, we can commit our house to Him, but above all, we must remain committed to Him in all we do: in front them, behind closed doors, and everywhere we go. His service begins with us, and the journey is just now beginning. challenges await, trails will come, frustrations will manifest, and there will be times everyone questions if they are strong enough. we aren't. nobody is. but we can persevere and come out stronger in all we are and do. eyes upward and hearts open and moldable. 

where we are

i thought it'd be a good idea to let y'all know where we are in process.
no pictures of george michael or rabbits on trails.

when we were told about luke in november, we had two decisions to make:
1) did we want to proceed with lucy and just leave our contact information with the foster family for (if) when a family adopted luke
or
2) did we want to adopt luke too
the obvious choice was #2, since #1 wasn't not only a NOT a sure thing, but not even likely.

after we stated we wanted to adopt him too, we had another decision to make:
1) adopt lucy in the timeframe we were going and then "reuse" our dossier and immediately go back for him
or
2) delay lucy's process so we could bring them home at the same time

we wrestled with this because we wanted lucy home ASAP, but we also knew it would be best for both of them if we adopted them at the same time; and it would also be more financially feasible for us to adopt them at the same time.

we said whooooooa nelly! to lucy's paperwork moving right along so that we could start luke's and catch him up.

we had already received LOA for lucy when we found out about luke, and were realistically 2 months or so from traveling to pick her up. we knew adding luke would extend the process about 6 months out--even with his being prioritized. 

in december, we submitted lucy's i800 and received that approval (you do this after you receive LOA). with the i800 approval we submitted the ds260 for lucy (her visa). our agency is holding at this step while we catch luke up. 

luke's "mini-dossier" was sent to the chinese consulate last week (letter of intent, amended home study, and i800a supplement 3 approval), and since it's only 3 documents it should take only a week to get back. at that point, his 3 documents will be sent to china for review. 

the majority of the entire dossier has been reviewed and approved--this is good! this means they really only have to review these additional 3 documents to send us the LOA for luke. and, i described what happens after that: i800 then ds260. once we send in his ds260 application for his visa, our agency will send his and lucks to china for article 5 pick up, after that, travel approval will be issued. 

here's how we want you to join with us in prayer: 

pray the finger of God slides luke's documents through at lightening speed! 

i hate knowing that all of lucy's approvals are done and we are essentially paper ready to go get her, but that we are "sitting on" them. it's the only way, but, i still hate it nonetheless. 

we are in day 2 of our "a tisket, a tasket, a basket" fundraiser:

we have 19 theme "baskets" up for auction. we are so close to having all the financial needs met for this process. we only need to raise *about* $4,000 more! waaaaahoooooo! :)

you can see the "baskets" up for auction here: 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/One-Less-Orphan-Auction/231146860392485?fref=photo

CLICK ON THE ABLUM TITLED "A TISKET, A TASKET, A BASKET" and view the 19 theme baskets we have up for auction.  

we're coming sweet son and daughter! <3

footie pajamas, gideon, and perry the panda

why am i wearing footie pajamas, covered up with my soft christmas blanket, and sipping hot cider--instead of being out with our bible study peeps eating yummy, delicious, perfect, tennessee-mexican food?
because we received our official rejection letter from show hope. and i just wanted to sulk with my cat (take note that he is part unicorn--that magical little tuft of hair coming to a perfect point proves his wondrousness)

in the mailbox today was another issue of my (free!) subscription to "everyday with rachel ray" (i really just love her!), a bill (yuck!), and advertisement for a christmas sale (no christmas for you this year!), and a thin envelope with the show hope return label on it. i shrugged and tossed it on the counter, calling the dh (dear hubs) to let him know we received our rejection letter. he came home and opened it so i wouldn't have to. 

it's okay. it really is. us not receiving a grant means another family did, and i'm so happy for those families that received letters listing the amount of grant they've been blessed with. 

but, still i sit here, much like gideon when he hid in the winepress threshing wheat (judges 6). except i'm wearing footie pajamas, and i'm pretty sure he was wearing something akin to a ephod (male dress). also, i have a unicorn cat, and that makes many things more bearable. 

people often mistake the amount of courage i have, when really, i'm quite cowardice. 

one of my most beloved friends was telling me about a recent experience while she was grocery shopping: 

she overheard some individuals bemoaning the fact that amendment 1 passed ("yes on 1" in tennessee..google it), and felt an urging to stand up for her faith that values the sanctity of life (and the honor of her two precious daughters whom she adopted-and is grateful their birthmother chose life for).  they didn't receive her input well and argued back, and then another guy came up and was frankly, quite ugly in his differing opinion of hers. she didn't cower, or back down, she didn't drop her head and shuffle away, she was strong. 

i told her i admired her strength, that i would never be able to do something like that, and she seemed surprised, thinking i was bolder than i actually am. 

she seemed surprised that i would be to timid, cowardice, etc to approach someone and defend my faith/belief. 

proverbs 28:1 states "the wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous have faith bold as lions"

we often quote the last part "the righteous have faith bold as lions" but we hardly ever give any nod to the beginning: "the wicked flee when no one pursues".

in times such as this: rejection, we can choose to hide in a winepresses, (even though we are not being attacked), or we can stand strong as lions because our faith sees past present circumstance.

God not saying "yes" is not the same thing as us being attacked. God saying "yes" to someone else is NOT Him saying "no" to us. far too often, we tend to hyper-spiritualize everything, and in doing so, we make ourselves victims, when in reality, He will provide in a different way. we can't be a victim when we can trace even one point in the process Him having His hand upon us.

and, like Gideon rising up and emerging from the winepress, i poke my little head out (tomorrow morning...it's too cold right now!) and look for His hand in all the other places it is.

oh! also: perry the panda is helping us in all things until lucy-girl is home: #lucygirlspandaproxy
(follow us on instagram to see perry helping us next for lucy-girl   http://instagram.com/carmenmichelle

enjoying sick people tea with perry

perry is trying to decide which reading teepee lucy would like the best

perry is making sure we don't goof around--setting up lucy-girl's bedroom is serious business 

perry approves of the lovely drawer pulls mommy picked out for lucy-girl's room

perry is napping on the pretty new lavender sheets in lucy-grils room

what i want you to know

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”--washington irving

i want you to know that when we first knew we were going to become your forever mommy and daddy, i woke up nightly with horrific stomach pains and in mournful tears at the thought that we were going to be pulling you away from the only life you've known for 11 years. i would weap because at some point in the near future i would be holding you as you missed and wept for the foster family you had for the past 7 years.

i want you to know we did not hastily rush into this, thinking we were "saving" you. we spoke with families that had adopted older children from your home's foster system, we spoke with experts, and even "anti-adoption" people.

***prospective adoptive parents: you are not the brave ones, you are not the ones

worthy of the admiration, the children leaving everything they know are. 

we want you to know that we learned everything we could about the possibilities for you if you remained there. we want you to know we learned what life would look like for you past the age of 14 (the age you are no longer able to be adopted) and after you turned 18, and after learning these things and that life, we made the decision to trust in God's direction that the painful journey would end up being a blessing.

i want you to know that even now, i want to collapse and weap at the new adjustments you will have to make. i want you to know that you are so brave and the strongest person i know. i want you to know you were long ago asked to carry a burden no innocent child should ever have to carry. i want you to know that we will carry that with you, but mostly, you have an adoring Heavenly Father who wants to carry all the burdens, pains, and tears for you.

"For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."--matthew 11:30

and each tear you've cried, since the great injustice had been done to you from infancy, He holds each of those tears in a bottle and knows each sorrow: (psalm 56:8)

i want you to know that we insisted, many times, you must be asked if you wanted to be adopted, we insisted the process was explained to you, we insisted you know in us becoming your forever mommy and daddy, that meant you would leave your foster family--leave the sights, smells, sounds, and people you knew to come to a land where you did not understand the language, the people looked different, the food tasted different, and life was as different as you could imagine.

i want you to know that as your tears fall, and your heart adjusts, and there is so much for you to take in, i will be there wrapping my arms around you and crying with you. i want you to know that i love your foster mother, and i will always have an undying gratitude to her, i will always be indebted for her, and i will always embrace her in my heart as my sister-mommy because she loved you before i knew you.

light of our life

about a month ago, we were able to send a care package to our lucy-girl, which included a cake, a photo album of us, a translated letter, and a stuffed animal. on monday, we received these pictures of our sweet daughter:

i was immediately and powerfully heart-struck at how her light, her spirit, shines through. we are so thankful for God's mercy that gave her such a beautiful and strong spirit. (also, her favorite color is pink, can't you tell :)).

whatever trials, turmoil, and attack this world and the enemy throws at His children, He is stronger.

there's no new updates to speak of, as far as the waiting for the next step goes, we're still waiting on the magical LOA, and then the even more magical TA. please join us in prayer, continually, that we will have LOA by November. and of course, join us in prayer for our daughter. i would be lying to you, and us, if i said it was going to be some magical rescue rainbows, unicorns, and puppy dogs experience when she leaves the only life she's known for 10 years.

if you'd like to help us meet the remaining $5,000 we need, you can donate a tax-deductible donation to reece's rainbow (link on top right side of page), or you can donate through our a place called home site (here), and watch a video of our story (donations on a place called home come with happies!).  in the end, we will be putting $19,000 of our money, savings, everything toward this, we just need a little extra "help", because, we....get by with a little help from our friends!

or you can buy a guacamole t-shirt, we need to sell 20 minimum and we'll raise a couple hundred dollars. guacamole for lucy! :)  (while we are devoted Christians, we recognize not all who would support us bringing lucy home are...but are pretty sure everyone on the planet is a fan of guacamole. and really, how many times do you have to nod when asked "it's extra, is that okay?")
buy the super soft t-shrit here:
"i know guacamole is extra" t-shirt fundraiser

matthew 5:15-16

"Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."