what i want you to know

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”--washington irving

i want you to know that when we first knew we were going to become your forever mommy and daddy, i woke up nightly with horrific stomach pains and in mournful tears at the thought that we were going to be pulling you away from the only life you've known for 11 years. i would weap because at some point in the near future i would be holding you as you missed and wept for the foster family you had for the past 7 years.

i want you to know we did not hastily rush into this, thinking we were "saving" you. we spoke with families that had adopted older children from your home's foster system, we spoke with experts, and even "anti-adoption" people.

***prospective adoptive parents: you are not the brave ones, you are not the ones

worthy of the admiration, the children leaving everything they know are. 

we want you to know that we learned everything we could about the possibilities for you if you remained there. we want you to know we learned what life would look like for you past the age of 14 (the age you are no longer able to be adopted) and after you turned 18, and after learning these things and that life, we made the decision to trust in God's direction that the painful journey would end up being a blessing.

i want you to know that even now, i want to collapse and weap at the new adjustments you will have to make. i want you to know that you are so brave and the strongest person i know. i want you to know you were long ago asked to carry a burden no innocent child should ever have to carry. i want you to know that we will carry that with you, but mostly, you have an adoring Heavenly Father who wants to carry all the burdens, pains, and tears for you.

"For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."--matthew 11:30

and each tear you've cried, since the great injustice had been done to you from infancy, He holds each of those tears in a bottle and knows each sorrow: (psalm 56:8)

i want you to know that we insisted, many times, you must be asked if you wanted to be adopted, we insisted the process was explained to you, we insisted you know in us becoming your forever mommy and daddy, that meant you would leave your foster family--leave the sights, smells, sounds, and people you knew to come to a land where you did not understand the language, the people looked different, the food tasted different, and life was as different as you could imagine.

i want you to know that as your tears fall, and your heart adjusts, and there is so much for you to take in, i will be there wrapping my arms around you and crying with you. i want you to know that i love your foster mother, and i will always have an undying gratitude to her, i will always be indebted for her, and i will always embrace her in my heart as my sister-mommy because she loved you before i knew you.