why i will gladly buy 70 glue sticks and 200 pencils...

this isn't adoption related, per se, but it does attest to the preciousness of each child, despite their circumstance, geography, home-life, and ability to give back (or their parent's ability to give back). 

there are a lot of complaints, blogs, facebook posts, and articles written about the absurdity of classroom supply list: parents bemoaning the list of 70 glue sticks, the infinity amount of pencils, enough kleenex boxes to wipe every elephant in india's nose, and enough hand sanitizer to disinfect chernobyl. 

i don't have issue with it. i will gladly buy those with a smile on my face and tell my children what a wonderful thing it is to be able to provide extra for their classroom. (and no we don't easily have the extra money, we will make sacrifices to do it). 

i will tell them how hard their teachers work, how they are not paid as they deserve, and how the simple act of buying kleenexes relieves a need for their classroom. 

i will tell them what an honor it is to be able to buy extra pencils for the friend in their class who doesn't have any.

***side note: i wonder how many people who have shared this little poem above also complain about having to buy extra pencils. 

i've seen complaints: "there are churches that provide backpacks full of supplies, why don't they just go there? too lazy? not my fault". 

-but, here's the thing. that attitude punishes no one except the child--the student in need. maybe the struggling mother feels like she doesn't deserve a backpack for her child from a church. maybe she's angry with the church (rightfully so with some of these "i'm not buying that" attitudes") and would rather hope she finds the money eventually, maybe they really just don't care--BUT that doesn't mean the child doesn't care. they have no choice in the matter. that doesn't mean the teachers don't stress over their students who never have a pencil, paper, or glue sticks. 

why do we sing our teacher's praises but let our pride consume us and deter us from buying simple extra things like pencils, paper, and glue sticks; knowing full well if we don't, the responsibility will come back on the teacher. 

with a smile on my face and joy beating from my heart, i will buy all the pencils, glue sticks, and kleenex boxes (and forego starbucks for two days) and tell my children, who are students too, what a joy it is to be able to give these extras to their teacher. i will tell them what value each child in their classroom has, what value THEY have, and how sometimes a simple act of buying an extra box of pencils can attest and reaffirm another's value. 

i will tell my children that these bags we carry out that are 10x what i needed as a student represent something bigger--it represents us carrying each other's burdens, it represents us doing a little thing to make a big proclamation to another child, another teacher that WE CARE. 

it's not about if "we should have to", it's about if we see the value--the value in those children, those students whose parents can't or won't, those teachers to come alongside and lift the burden. 

in life, it's not about us. it's not supposed to be. <3

stray cats and comfortable beds

the animal shelter near us is over-capacity with cats. i love cats (except ryan's....it's a jerk), and so when they started sending out pleas for adoptions, and free of charge at that, i kept presenting the need to ryan, and each time he said we couldn't handle another animal right now with everything going on. whatever. it's a cat.

i still wanted to "rescue" a cat from the shelter. i'm sure it would become best friends with stello, my cat, the awesome cat.

but the husband wasn't budging. i was sulking--how can he not want to save an sweet cat from an animal shelter?! what's wrong with him! and then this:

our neighbor knocked on our door one night, and since it was dark, this cat looked grey and white--like ryan's cat (the one that's a jerk). we were baffled at how it got out (i don't like it, but i would never let it out on purpose....). ryan knelt down and called it to him, and it came, like they were old friends. except it wouldn't let ryan carry it to our house. something seemed amiss. ryan ran inside and found his jerk cat upstairs...so who was this smokey look-alke? it was skinny, hungry, tiny, and it was freezing outside. we couldn't let this cat stay in the cold. (except it wouldn't come inside. so, we sat a food dish and water outside and a basket with a towel in it (cats love to snuggle in baskets!)). i didn't shout "nooooo!" it's not from the shelter! i won't help it!" 

the next day, when it was daylight, we saw it, and silly us, it looked nothing like smokey. it wasn't even grey. 

nevertheless, it still meowed at us and came to us, and ate it's fill on our front step. we've since sat a cat carrier outside with a towel in it--to help it feel more secure at night when it goes in to sleep. nobody in our neighborhood has claimed it, so, i've named her calico purress. 

bit of a rabbit trail to come************************************************************

all too often, we feel as if we HAVE to adopt to make a change for the orphaned

or we HAVE to intentionally live in a self-imposed poverty to make a difference 

or we HAVE to do 3 mission trips a year to an impoverished country

or if we go on a mission trip and don't lose weight on it because we ate (and didn't deprive ourselves of food the entire time to be like the ones we came to serve), we are ashamed and feel like we could have done more 

or if we come back parasite free, we had it too easy

let us stop measuring our care for the world by spiritually masochistic signs. 

now, we are called to NOT be lovers of this world:

james 4:4 says 

"you adulterous people! do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God! therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes an enemy of God" 

but there is a difference between living modestly and living lavishly, and only dressing in sackcloth and ashes. 

the notion that we must sleep on straw mats, eat one meal a week, and cloth ourself in sackcloth to be lovers of God and servants of people holds us back from the beautiful service we can be living out immediately around us! 

sweet mother teresa once wrote: 

"love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put into what we do"

she also tells the story of a young woman who came to live at her commune, and once this young woman received the Spirit, and came to be filled with His love, she came to mother teresa, full of excitement regarding her new life, and mother teresa instructed her to return home and love her family and neighbors. she happily did it--and with excitement! she didn't sulk and demand to stay in the slums of india, no, she went back home and loved those there! 

our neighbors, those in line behind us in the drive-thru, the drivers that cut us off on the road, the woman struggling to pay for her basic milk and bread, the stressed out single mother with the child throwing a fit in the middle of the aisle---they are as in need of our love, smile, grace, and gentleness as those living in poverty in lands far away. there is no shame in serving where you are. 

we are bringing our daughter home, but there is also great love needed here. love that only we can provide, the special love that is unique to what God has done in my heart and the hub's heart. 

let us spread our love whoever we are and not believe the lie that any love and service given locally is somehow less than love given far away. 

we are many parts of Christ's body, as spoken of in 1 corinthians 12:14-26:

15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

the only thing focusing on how we are not staring our own 501c3 organization, or adopting 10 special needs orphans, or giving away $35,000 a year does is take off our focus of what we can do where we are. don't let the enemy shame you out of the service and love you can give. maybe the grandchild of a person you love toward Christ will do something you never could yourself, there are far infinite ways to His plans that we can see, let's trust where we are, and love where we are. 

also, on a side note: we "should" be LOA next week! wooooo-hoooooo (this is the big thing from china that we've been waiting on....."the wait!" all the next waits are merely 1-2 weeks each, and center around her visa! now would be an awesome time if you wanted to help be a part of bringing our sweet girl home! you can give through our tax-deductible reece's rainbow account (link on right side of page) or here where our story video is: a place called home site with video

cheng, chang, chong and "innocent" racism

yesterday was the holy grail of nerd meet ups: comic con.

the hubs and i enjoyed our time together as it was one of the few saturdays the hubs has off (the position of retail management doesn't care about weekends!). we met and fellowshipped with other socially awkward people and ate at a neighbor's new restaurant and later delighted in the glory known as "jeni's ice cream".  i was enjoying my "sweet cream biscuits and peaches" ice cream when i saw the this chalkboard kids draw on:

i remember being young and not (actively) thinking about racism and stereotyping and poking fun at other cultures. kids do it all the time, and parents, who either think it's funny, or are just as ignorant as the close-minds it breeds, laugh along with it instead of teaching and empowering in that moment. take the picture above "cheng, chang, chong"...

"cheng"= orange (color, not the fruit)

"chang" = long

"chong" = insect

(it's completely possible though, that they were trying to pass along a warning regarding a long orange insect lurking about this ice cream shop. but not likely). 

there's actually an entire wikipedia article on "chIng, chang, chong" regarding the racism and "western bullying" it implies. see, read it here. 

and then there's the childhood schoolyard rhyme:

"are you chinese (uses fingers to pull side of eyes and make slant up); are you japenese (uses fingers to pull sides of eyes and make slant down); or are your dirty knees (referring to the rest of the continent of asia)". 

the school yard was full of these rhymes and other equally as racist ones. 

(childhood innocent racism wasn't and isn't solely focused on individuals living in china or japan: 

"indian giver!" (really, do they even know the horrific things that were done to NATIVE americans at the hands of english settlers?)l 

"are you a smart american or a dumb pollock?" (followed by a riddle or silly question).

i think about the "innocent" (and blatant of course) racism our lucy-girl will encounter. the "ching, chong, ding-dong" chants she will overhear, the scenes of children pulling their eyes to make them slant she will glance at, and it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart to think of the damage to her beautiful, God-designed identity it will cause. i pains me deeply to think about her ever feeling less than perfectly beautiful and designed by the hands of God.  

i feel my heart heavy even for the young children missing an opportunity to learn, grow, appreciate, and love other cultures. simply put: racism allows minds to remain simple, and hearts cold. 

what more as parents, can be desired for their child than for them to genuinely love others, to want to understand differences, and appreciate those differences. 

we are here to be blinders for what she need not see and ear muffs for what would pain her to hear. 

and when we aren't physically with her, we trust God's faithfulness to be that. and when racist images and sounds creep in and damage her precious heart, we trust in God's redemption, and healing prayers to build her up and strengthen her identity when all the world wants to crush it.  

we believe prayer moves mountains and lets rivers flow in barren places, so,this is our new prayer manifest; declared on the chalkboard outside our bedroom so that we may see it and affirm it in prayer many times a day. please pray it with us: 

LOA by november

home by februrary

why

"we live in a perpetual and hopeless struggle to satisfy our longing on trifles.  so our soul shrivels. our lives become trivial. and our capacity for magnificent causes and great worship dies".  --john piper: ruth, a sweet an bitter providence

what do you live for?

most my life, i had convinced myself i lived for God. that wasn't the complete truth. i had been living for acceptance, approval, validation and assurance.

so much i wanted to be:
i wanted to look like my sister: beautiful and captivating
i wanted to speak clearly: instead i had a speech impediment and was in speech therapy from 3 yrs old to high school
i wanted to just be "happy": instead i was bitter at myself for everything i wasn't

my whole existence consisted of my thoughts focusing on what perception others had of me. what value i had to THEM.

i not willing to be satisfied and assured through His love for me, His design in me, and His calling on me.

but then that changed. with this sermon. technically, i was 2 when he first gave it, but i heard it when i was 27/28.

specifically, i was hiking when he said this:

"Christian Hedonism teaches that the desire to be happy is God-given and should not be denied or resisted but directed to God for satisfaction. Christian Hedonism does not say that whatever you enjoy is good. It says that God has shown youwhat is good and doing it ought to bring you joy (Micah 6:8). And since doing the will of God ought to bring you joy, the pursuit of joy is an essential part of all moral effort. If you abandon the pursuit of joy (and thus refuse to be a Hedonist, as I use the term), you cannot fulfill the will of God."

i stopped in my tracks and i wept.
ugly cried. lips quivering. and i apologized to God.
i apologized for telling Him, all these years, He was not enough, there were more "valued" opinions.
i told Him that i wanted to delight in Him, and Him alone. everything else in life was like that useless parsley used as garnishes on plates ordered at restaurants: you don't eat it, it doesn't season your meal, it's there for a split second and then you brush it mindlessly out of the way to nosh on the steak and potatoes.

you can ask (adoptive) families, and most every one will have a story to tell of a family member questioning their decision to adopt. oh my, add on to that, making a conscious decision to adopt a child "with special needs" and people look at you as if you've lost your mind. i've mentioned some of the heinous comments in previous posts, so i won't relive them here, but they're ugly.

here's the thing: WE DON'T WANT "THAT" LIFE.  we don't want a life lived so comfortably we never have to press into God. we want our life to scream His story. we want our life to be one that shows the greatest joy is found in Him. we want lucy to be loved. we want lucy to know her value is infinite, that her name was written on His hands, and pressed through His heart.

this process has stretched and grown our souls, it's pressed us firmly against the cross.

there are times where i cling to it, as one lost at sea would a life raft that has floated toward them. there are times where i'm sure i've gone under and His cross has drifted in the vast ocean toward me, just in time for me to grab, and Him to breath new life into me. then i have been made stronger by His breath, and those two pieces of wood.

i will swim the ocean toward our daughter, because i know she is mine. i know she is His. i know that in the long and treacherous swim, that each time i go under, His cross will keep me afloat, and breath make me stronger should i lose mine.

having made the tragic mistake of looking for my acceptance and affirmation elsewhere, but in His grace having been shown where true joy comes from, i am here, on the other side, to hopefully shield our sweet girl from that.

we adopt because we love our daughter, lucy.
we adopt because our lives are worship, not just sunday mornings, but each moment.
we adopt because we can and our daughter deserves a mommy, a daddy, breakfast in bed on her birthdays, surprise mommy/daughter dates, and so much more.

we adopt because our lives are centered in Him, and we don't want anyone else's idea of "normal"
there is nothing normal about a life sunk in Him.

<3

the joy of the struggle (and how dog farts help me to not take ugly comments seriously)

once upon a time i lived in uganda. i did things like teach sunday school lessons, fed 150 village kids every saturday and sunday, wrote newsletters to supporters of this village ministry, and one time i had "the" talk (aka for those who don't know of what 'the' in :quotes: translates to = sex) with about 50 young girls....it was pretty awkward. since most my life had been spent hanging out with and teaching 3 year olds, i had to remind myself that "wee-wee" and "little girl area" were not the terms i needed to use with 9-15 year old girls (although i once had a 4 year old who somehow learned to call her little girl area her "kitty"--seriously "mom", you couldn't think of another 4 year old appropriate euphemism than "kitty" for her little girl area?)
moving on to...dog farts (seriously, it's coming, just keep reading, and it's all related to adoption, i promise).

anyhow, upon my return, i was visiting family, and i found myself in conversation with a jerk. a prideful jerk--though, that's kind of a redundant description because i have never met a humble jerk (the adoption part really is coming). we were talking about why i've done what i've done over my life: teach older students with severe emotional/behavioral disorders, travel to afghanistan about a year after 9/11 to teach in newly gender-intergrated classrooms, humanitarian work in ethiopia and burma, and recently a short trip to rwanda and a 5 month stay in uganda. i was talking about how "from whom much is given, much is expected" and i felt that my soul could have easily been born in a body in an impoverished country or under the rule of a faction that gives no value to women, but since my soul was blessed to have been born in a body ("you don't have soul, you are a soul, you have a body"--c.s. lewis) in america, my body should take itself to other lands to help those souls in those bodies. at the end of our conversation, he asked me (not out of curiosity, but out of indignant hateful judgement): "in all you've done, haven't you found that there are some people that are not worth saving". :jaw hits the floor and fist clinch: (i kind of wanted to retort back, "yeah, you" but Jesus hovered over me and put His hand over my mouth, He's cool like that).

here's the thing: some people don't understand love. there are three types of love:
storge: what you have for your family
eros: love you have for, well, your lover
philia: brotherly love, as in what christians have toward each other
agape: the highest form of love, the love Christ showed toward us, and commands us to show toward all (agape is sacrificial, open, non-judging, non-offensive...you know, just look at the fruits of the spirit, agape produces those).

i've been asked by people:
* "why are you adopting?" (judgmentally, not really wanting to know our story)
* "why's you not adopting from 'murica? kidz heres need a's family too!" (crushes can on head) (kidding, but i like to tell stories in hyperbole) (and yes, absolutely! children in the foster system need families too! and we will do that, later :))
* "why are you adopting a child with special needs, why do you want to punish yourself for the rest of your life? you'll never be able to go to the beach and have fun again, you'll never...." (yes, that is the most important part of life, having fun at the beach...)
* ...so on

there's also trolls:

except the ones i'm talking about probably don't look like that....though i'd like to imagine they have really crazy hair and big eyes, because it makes what they write more humorous (when you can decipher it, often it's filled with really poor grammar...)
"trolls" like to send what they deem as nasty messages to you through your blog or leave comments (i moderate comments so i don't publish them....i refuse to publish comments with poor grammar).  they seem to have an issue with families fundraising (i think that's what they are trying to say...).  i did once, as a child, bury $30,000 in a tin can with my brother's micro machine car and my friend's favorite hello kitty neckalce-but i seem to have forgotten where i buried the $30,000, otherwise we'd totally dig it up right now and use it to fund our adoption.

see, here's the thing about all these fundraisers you all see--the joy is in the giving, the joy is in the story, the joy is in the faith that He will provide through His body, because we have AGAPE love for each other. oh, ye of little faith that need it to be easy! i LOVE learning to trust in HIM. i love seeing Him provide through my brothers and sisters in Christ, it's our way of telling each other, "hey! we're all family! bloodlines mean nothing! WE ARE ALL IN HIS BLOODLINE!" if all these families already had $30,000 + for their adoptions, then when other areas of life got rough, they'd be starting out so weak, and have to learn to trust from that point--but if in this process, we see Him provide through the silliest of ways, and the most humble of our brothers and sisters in Christ, then how much more do we learn to trust in HIS WAYS! how much more can we feel that He is there with us, with our other adoptive community. i don't understand what all the "use your money" stuff is about anyway...it's not "our money" and your money isn't even "your money"...it's His money, He has entrusted us to steward it! the hubs and i continue to support our kids through gospel for asia, we continue to support a mission family in uganda, we continue to support other adoptive families...because we know it's not our money. we receive so much joy from giving to others, and others who give, receive joy as well.

so, (here comes the dog fart part from earlier) when jerks say ugly things about missions and humanitarian work, and trolls with colorful pink hair that sticks straight up and with big eyes say unkind things (i think it was supposed to be unkind...) i don't sweat it, and you please don't sweat it either, you have the joy! they are missing the joy. besides, i have more important things to worry about, like why my dog's farts stink so bad. seriously, this guy can clear a room, wake you up from a dead sleep...he's actually had such bad smelling gas before that he's looked around to see "who did it" and then left the room. this is my pressing concern right now...dog farts. :)

they will know us by our love for one another

"by this, they will all know you are my disciples if you have love for one another" --john 13:35

one thing i love about the adoption community, is how you feel instantly connected with a stranger who lives states away simply because you are both adopting. the reece's rainbow community is incredibly supportive and encouraging, with emerging friendships and life-long bonds formed, even if you never actually meet. there are of course, these people known as "trolls" who hate adoption...i think that's their point...i'm not sure what their solution is to the orphan crisis, but i'm sure if they'd articulate it instead of attacking adoptive families i'd nominate them for the nobel peace prize; but then again, it's easier to be venomous than it is to actually do something to make a positive change....

there's lots of judgement and nasty things said about adoption, families who adopt, families who adopt and admit it is H-A-R-D. it's easier to throw stones and spit venom than it is to reach out and offer encouragement. we don't think that "'murica is the greatest place in the galaxy! red, white, and err......blue!!!" but it is a blessed nation-that is why more countries are open to international adoptions where the forever family is in america than any other country (aside from putin, but really look at what the guy's done, do you really want him to be the example, the hill you die hoist your flag and die on?).  research the statistics of what happens to orphaned children that age out in china (and other countries).  should they really age out and become social outcasts with no real promises of jobs and quality education just because someone has a some issues with a few families that have adopted (or adoption in general, but again, i ask for their solution....change a culture? great, move there, do that-change the culture's mindset; better yet, move there, or become involved with a program that gets to the root of the issue so that there won't be any orphaned children to begin with...).

for every rotten person that slips through the cracks and is approved for adoption, and then bad stuff happens, there's 1,000s more that are wonderful, loving, caring, and servant-hearted families.  kind of like those wackos from westboro baptist church--you can't judge all christians by those 15.  kind of like kids with guns...not all kids carry guns to harm each other.  kind of like people in the south, most of us do have all of our teeth and can speak articulately. kind of like people up north, they don't all support abortion clinic inside walmarts.

moving on...:
i bought our sweet girl a dress the other day, and i hung it in her room.  i wasn't expecting the tears that would fill my eyes as i did this, and the ones that would continue to stream down my cheeks as i walked out and back down our stairs (trolls, don't worry, we will move upstairs to the guest room once our sweet girl is home and adjusted and feeling safe and secure).  i just want her home. i want to know that she is safe, nurtured, loved, and lavished with positive affirmation; the only way  my heart will rest is when she is home, and i know i and the hubs are providing that to her, and this is still 7-12 months away.

my in-laws are selling their home and buying one in our neighborhood, which will be wonderful for our sweet girl, to have her grandparents so close by.  we're excited to have them a quick walk away (don't worry, our neighborhood has private roads, and sidewalks which hare perfectly safe to walk on).

some resources:
i prefer facts to opinions and judgements
statistics are fun!
so many numbers!!!!!!
educate yourself past a news story (or two)
you'd rather them age out?--then do something about it (this is a christian site, but if you can find an atheist site that promotes ways to care for aging out orphans, then by all means....)

and finally: IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST LOVE PEOPLE.  hate is taxing and plus causes premature wrinkles, all that anger! let's just love each other.  they will know who we are, by our love for one another.

and if you're not a christian, you're still not excused, there is no reason to kill love:
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” --anais nin