the messy and the beautiful: stuck in the middle

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." --isaiah 58: 6-8

there's a lot of blogs out there: blogs which are brutally honest about motherhood, blogs which are brutally honest about the conditions of orphanages in other countries, blogs which are (humorously) brutally honest about family life. each person who chooses to open their lives, and/or their family's lives has a choice to make...here's why we made ours to share the way we do:

when you have older children who came from "hard places" (video at bottom of page) it's especially important to remain cognizant of their right to privacy, their right to "their own story", their right to choose how to reveal themselves--to whom and to what extent, and therefore filter what you write about as their parent. i do share, and if it's especially difficult subject/topic, i try to keep the identity of which child private, and/or address it from my and the hubs' point of view--how we are battling through it AS a family.

these children--OUR children have so little privacy, and no control over their lives before they arrived in our homes, we must give them back the control which was taken from them. we must help them find dignity restored, and that looks like filtering what is shared about them. especially in the case where their classmates and their classmates parents can begin to read these stories. none of us would feel comfortable walking into our place of employment and having everyone in the building knowing the details of our deepest struggles--the same honor and respect need be applied to our children.

on the other hand, we must advocate. we must do all we can to share the needs of the children left behind. the children who still wait. we must make sure it is abundantly clear those places are NO place for them to remain a day longer. that often means painting a vivid picture of reality.

this reality is:
ramshackle buildings, broken bones which go unreported, drunk caregivers, drunk caregivers with heavy fists, lies which are spewed from the mouths of those entrusted to care for these precious lives (lies which tell them they were abandoned because they have no worth, lies which tell them even if they do come home to a forever family in america it is not permanent, and they must continue to earn it), beatings delivered because they didn't finish their meals, beatings delivered because they didn't finish their meal fast enough; realities that in some orphanages 12 year olds look like 2 year olds because of pure neglect. starvation deaths abound. sexual assaults are the norm. they learn survival skills--survival skills which are self injurious behaviors (for stimulation), survival skills of seduction, survival skills of "doing anything to please", survival skills of rage or be raged at, and so on. this is reality in ALL countries involved in international adoption. as an advocate, it is horrid to watch a child over the years wither away from neglect when you KNOW they would THRIVE in a loving home with a loving mommy and daddy.

we, as parents and advocates, become "stuck in the middle" because we desperately want to see children come into families, restoration occur, healing make new, God unite, bus we also want to respect our children's stories, their privacy, their honor, their first opportunity to keep private what they want private.

there is a reece's rainbow box on the side of the page (not the donation box for our sweetie at the top, but further down), and i implore you, visit the site, look at the children, pray over them, choose one and advocate--share, share, share their "page". their mama is out there. it may be a "friend of a friend of a friend of a friend" of someone who shares your post, but they are out there! God's promise is to set the lonely in families. God is always true, Romans 3:4 assures us though we fail, His faithfulness remans, even if we are made liars, God is true.

so while we are working to bring our sweet sparrow home, i will also be committed to finding a family for: "Wendell" (his advocacy name). he is in the same country as sparrow, and i would love to answer any questions you have about adopting from there! don't let special needs scare you--you can do it! you can! vision-smision! look at his light! his spirit!