words and the heart

i've always dreamt about what kind of mother i'd be (i've also dreamt of what kind of wife i'd be. ha! was i ever so wrong! ;)).

--i was a pretty awesome fiancé though: 

even as a little girl, in a struggling single parent household, with an overworked and overstressed mommy, i knew no matter what, i wanted to be a ball of positive energy, spiritual encouragement, and sprinkle our household with sunshine and rainbows and have only happy looking spiders. like this:

i wanted to be the mommy who shielded my children, protected them, helped them to believe they were made perfectly in His image, and that there is a beautiful purpose for their life. 

i knew i wanted to be the mommy that first prayed with them when they felt attacked, sad, worried, scared and defeated. 

i knew i wanted to guide my children to first find their identity in Christ, because nothing can shake that. 

i wanted to guide them as they opened their hearts to allow God to plant those seeds and water them. 

many moments now are spent in self-examination and reflection, and i try to remain cognizant of how i respond to stressful situations, let-downs, and hardship. 

do i respond with grace? 

would this be how i responded if my lucy-girl and luke were in the car? if they were beside me? 

what words am i speaking when trials arise? when the enemy attacks? 

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. --luke 6:45

did you know there are power in your words?

what am i speaking life into when life is rough or uncertain? 

we were created in the image of God: God spoke words over dust, and dust became man, and God spoke breath into man, and man lived. we have power in the words we speak. 

we can speak life into people, ourselves, and situations.

the power of life and death is in the tongue. --proverbs 18:21

in the process of adoption you have some control, but also there is so much out of your hands. so many times the aching of your heart cannot be resolved by any person.  

so many times the only balm to ease the burning within your soul is the email that tells you it's time to go get your child.  

but it compares NOTHING to when our children are home. the grief they will experience. the transition they are being asked to make. i believe the process of adoption is hard, but the process of being adopted is harder. 

my heart must become so much stronger. 

there is no room or allowance for a weak heart when my precious lucy-girl and luke are walking through their grief. there is no room for me to speak anything out of the flesh when our family encounters trials. they are watching and listening. i want them to watch a mother who is solidly standing with Christ, and i want them to listen as i speak life into anything we may face together.