the final countdown and a rat race. also, holiness.

this is how i feel right now.

i went to bed at 6:30 last night, after: 

8 hours

4 counties

3 county clerk offices

one state capitol/secretary of state office

also there was a car that exploded (not ours)

and we had to walk a mile in the rain

and i had a gas station hot dog (because i was getting hangry)

we finally accumulated all of the documents which make up the dossier packet: official copies of birth certificates, an official copy of our marriage certificate, really detailed physicals, verification of employment (letter from a boss), a detailed financial statement/breakdown, our letter of intent (to adopt our daughter), and final home study (well, the i-800a approval is part of the dossier too, but it takes a while, so we proceeded with what we had and will do that one later). all of these have to have been issued in the last 6 months and then be notarized. if they aren't notarized on the day they were issued, you have to attach a letter of authentic to them and have that notarized. then you have to go to the county clerk's office (of the county the notary was commissioned in) and have the notarization certified (a piece of paper attached that says the notary is legit and all that), then you have to go to the state capitol/secrety of state and have all that authenticated (verifying that the person at the county clerk office (who verified the notary) which is also a piece of paper with a fancy sticker seal on it. 

after almost 6 hours, 3 counties, passing a car engulfed in flames that shut down the other side of the highway, and having to eat a gas station hot dog (because i was hangry,) we finally were able to have the authentication done...but had to park over a mile away. as soon as we park our car (over a mile away), it began to rain. i can't even make this stuff up. at this point, i was not the virtuous wife. if anyone tells you this process is fun and they never felt stress, they're lying. or a masochist. 

it felt like this: 

but we won and are still married. 

this process is also a litmus test for your marriage. 

so are puppies. raise a puppy together before you raise a child together. 

we are mailing in our dossier packet today with a $7,000 check. pocket change. --not really, we're kind of at the stress out point right now. (if you want some pretties and fun things, you should "buy an envelope" as a part of our fundraiser, every envelope comes with a neat thing! :)

after a few tears yesterday (and eye rolls, not going to lie), when we were handed back our 8,000 sheets of paper, notarizations, certifications, and authentifications, i felt a relief, a lightness, and silly for stressing. there's a really neat vision described in isaiah 6:2-

seraphim is flying the Lord God on His throne, each has 6 wings, two covered his eyes, two covered his feet and he flew with the other two singing to one another, "Holy! Holy! Holy! is the Lord God Almighty! the whole earth is full of His glory!"

the Holiness of the Lord was so great, so beautiful, so powerful, even the angels-seraphim couldn't gaze upon him or show their feet. that's how i feel right now.
i think of all the stress, the worry, the frets, and now we are almost at the "waiting point", i think "how silly! how silly of me, what little faith i have!" would not a God with such might, power, and Holiness have control over our adoption, isn't He sovereign over a silly paper work process? the same Lord whose Holiness is blinding, He loves our daughter! the same Lord whose Holiness is too much for moses to directly see, who the seraphim couldn't bare his feet in front of loves our daughter, He has written her days and her name on the palm of His hand (isaiah 49:16).

when i stress, or fret, or fear, i think of His Holiness, and His love for us and our daughter. i think of how He wants to draw us near Him, the veil was torn from top to bottom (matthew 27:51)--He tore it! to draw us closer to him. all these stresses and frets seem just silly in comparison.

WE MUST ALLOW OUR CHILDREN TO STAY IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND! that is where they, and we, are safest. that is how He can do His greatest work. i want that kind of faith.