Monday, June 1, 2015

time is on my side

i used to love that song, but then that creepy movie with denzel washington came out, and this song played throughout, every time i hear this song i see that little cat prancing off through the woods at the end.  "time is on my side, yes it is"...:demon cat jaunts off:

this post isn't about that movie though. it's about time. and it's about His plans. and me pretending i'm stronger than i am.

when we started this process, we *knew* we'd for sure be home before lucy-girl's 11th birthday in January...and then we found out about our awesome luke-dude and changed gears so we could bring them home together. you can read about that here if you are new.

there have been several bumps along the road, a "few" melt-downs, and thus, A LOT of snuggling with this fathead:

we are finally a mere day, two days away from luke's TA. (we hope...)
--we had been under the impression, because of the information relayed to us, that we would likely be able to have family day on may 18th....and then that didn't happen. it really, really, really looks like we will have family day on june 15th, but then again, it could be june 22 since nothing in our timeline has actually worked out like it "was supposed to".

in seasons of despair, there are really two choices for me (and all believers): draw nearer to God and listen and rest while you grow in your trust of Him; or question, becoming bitter, and distant in the closeness you once dwelt in.

He is not the one who moves away from us, He is not the one who drops His arms to His side, He is not the one who changes his desire to speak to us.
--We are the ones who turn our backs and walk off on our own, we are the ones who cross our arms in front of our chest, we are the ones who decide what it is we will hear that will "pull us out of it".

in reflection, He proves that each "delay" has been only for our blessing:

* when our home study wasn't sent for approval to our agency, and thus to the government for our i800A approval, for  WELL over a month, that delayed us at least 6 weeks--but it was that 6 week delay which gave us that extra period of time for our agency to be in China and find out about our little awesome luke-dude and allow us to add him on and bring them home at the same time

* it was that same delay, that then turned into a 4 month+ delay to bring lucy home that allowed us to be gifted with a completely unexpected financial grant

* we also hit another delay at the beginning of the process to add luke on when we were told no fee was due for our supplement 3 on our i800A approval (which approved us to adopt two), and turns out, there was a fee due--this delayed us 3+weeks (to receive the RFE (missing fee notice)) and then mail in a check and have it wait 10 days to clear (government policy) (after it had already sat for 10+days the first time)--but this delay allowed us to be at just the right point to receive yet another unexpected last minute grant we were submitted for.

* all these delays put my leaving date later for my job at the time, which allowed me to receive a small raise for my last bit of time there

these delays have forced me to cry out, reach out, step out of my comfort zone and in turn, develop some incredibly blessed friendships with other mommas walking this same path.

this extra time has also given me time to sit in His presence, and painful as it is, allow Him to prune my heart. in the stress of this process, you often neglect your spiritual health, letting your guard down and allowing thorns to grow up in your heart--surrounding the good things He has planted.

please join us in prayer, that luke's TA would come soon (we've had lucy-girl's for a while) (and that plane tickets don't skyrocket even more--summer is an expensive time to travel to China!)

*i can't even imagine what it will be like when our children are finally home!!!--i'm so used to this fathead being my only sight (he's a total free-loader, all he does is lay around!), oh, the joy to finally be able to look up and see them too!

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