Friday, September 30, 2016

the post i didn't want to write

i never thought i would write a post like this.

but this process is about transparency and realness.
the messy and the beautiful.

we had to release our sparrow.
those words are a dagger to the heart.

she deserves a family who could race to her, no hurdles in the way.
a family who wouldn't have to have her file on a "virtual hold" while they scrapped together the funds.
a family who didn't have to move slow while their other kiddos got healthy.
a family who didn't have to plan surgeries for their other kiddos around potential travel dates.
a family who didn't have to plan to travel and bring her home and her surgeries around siblings' surgeries.

this process has been like a not-so-fun "funhouse":
wrong turns due to trick mirrors, dead end hallways, trap doors...

we had to finally fall back to our knees and just sob before it was too late, before we delayed her true forever-family from coming to her any sooner.
"her true forever-family".  it's like acid burning my fingertips to write that.

without breaching the right to a private life of our Ls (luke and lucy), and oversharing, we arrived at the decision with our agency that we just cannot bring her home to our family. the money that was in our fsp with reece's rainbow we have chosen another family to receive it. the money raised in the fundraisers we did will be sent to our agency to give to the next family who commits to her.

she didn't know we were coming for her (and that is one saving and peaceful grace in this--that she won't know the disappointment of a family having to stop process).
for that, we are thankful.

someone else is preparing a nest for you sweet sparrow.

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