Monday, December 2, 2013

i miss you (and a lot of people can't understand that)

sweet girl,

i miss you.

a lot of people cannot understand that. since we have not met, and i'm not even using your "real" name yet (we refer to you as "ruth"), i've found (through bewildered expressions) that many don't understand how my heart aches to have you home, to visit with you, to know that you are officially a "preciado".

it's almost christmas time, and there's a giant dog, most certainly bigger than you are, in what will be your room.  it kinda freaks one of our cats out (the one that's neurotic anyway...) since she thinks it's her room....
i was lying in bed with your daddy talking, and i told him i missed you.  maybe it's a woman/mommy thing, but his response was more of a "oh. i know". but, in my heart, i miss you. i feel as if when God placed you in my heart, He also went back in time, to have had you in my heart all along, and because of that, now, i miss you.

i feel as if i should be going upstairs and scooping you up in my arms, doing your therapies with you, holding your hand as you unsteadily make your way through a parking lot with me to pick up more hot cocoa and marshmallows for us to enjoy together on these cold nights.

but you are so far away, and i miss you.
geography separates us.
time separates us.
less importantly, funds separate us (but it all belongs to God, so, we're not sweating that!)

i was talking to the sweet girl that cuts my hair about you, and the longing in my heart grew, and i began to miss you more. tears slowly gathered in my eyes, and i thought "surely this lady thinks i'm silly", but she gently understood, and what a beautiful thing this process is. i want to tell her about the Lord's plan of redemption, how satan means so much of sickness, separation, orphanages, for evil, but that God, through His great love, redeems it all. i want her to see Jesus in this. your daddy and i have dreams that others see Jesus in you.

i miss you still, but, i don't really need other people to understand. He understands. our heavenly Father. your heavenly Father. the One who knit you in your birth mommy's womb, and placed you in my heart. the One who  placed a lifetime of love for in my heart. He will work this together to bring us to you, to lavish love like a waterfall on you.

each second that i miss you, i pray for you.

my heart cannot wait until we can come for you.

aforementioned huge dog (cat pictured is NOT the neurotic cat, it's our cat that thinks it's a dog)

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