because we received our official rejection letter from show hope. and i just wanted to sulk with my cat (take note that he is part unicorn--that magical little tuft of hair coming to a perfect point proves his wondrousness)
in the mailbox today was another issue of my (free!) subscription to "everyday with rachel ray" (i really just love her!), a bill (yuck!), and advertisement for a christmas sale (no christmas for you this year!), and a thin envelope with the show hope return label on it. i shrugged and tossed it on the counter, calling the dh (dear hubs) to let him know we received our rejection letter. he came home and opened it so i wouldn't have to.
it's okay. it really is. us not receiving a grant means another family did, and i'm so happy for those families that received letters listing the amount of grant they've been blessed with.
but, still i sit here, much like gideon when he hid in the winepress threshing wheat (judges 6). except i'm wearing footie pajamas, and i'm pretty sure he was wearing something akin to a ephod (male dress). also, i have a unicorn cat, and that makes many things more bearable.
people often mistake the amount of courage i have, when really, i'm quite cowardice.
one of my most beloved friends was telling me about a recent experience while she was grocery shopping:
she overheard some individuals bemoaning the fact that amendment 1 passed ("yes on 1" in tennessee..google it), and felt an urging to stand up for her faith that values the sanctity of life (and the honor of her two precious daughters whom she adopted-and is grateful their birthmother chose life for). they didn't receive her input well and argued back, and then another guy came up and was frankly, quite ugly in his differing opinion of hers. she didn't cower, or back down, she didn't drop her head and shuffle away, she was strong.
i told her i admired her strength, that i would never be able to do something like that, and she seemed surprised, thinking i was bolder than i actually am.
she seemed surprised that i would be to timid, cowardice, etc to approach someone and defend my faith/belief.
proverbs 28:1 states "the wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous have faith bold as lions"we often quote the last part "the righteous have faith bold as lions" but we hardly ever give any nod to the beginning: "the wicked flee when no one pursues".
in times such as this: rejection, we can choose to hide in a winepresses, (even though we are not being attacked), or we can stand strong as lions because our faith sees past present circumstance.
God not saying "yes" is not the same thing as us being attacked. God saying "yes" to someone else is NOT Him saying "no" to us. far too often, we tend to hyper-spiritualize everything, and in doing so, we make ourselves victims, when in reality, He will provide in a different way. we can't be a victim when we can trace even one point in the process Him having His hand upon us.
and, like Gideon rising up and emerging from the winepress, i poke my little head out (tomorrow morning...it's too cold right now!) and look for His hand in all the other places it is.
oh! also: perry the panda is helping us in all things until lucy-girl is home: #lucygirlspandaproxy
(follow us on instagram to see perry helping us next for lucy-girl http://instagram.com/carmenmichelle
|enjoying sick people tea with perry|
|perry is trying to decide which reading teepee lucy would like the best|
|perry is making sure we don't goof around--setting up lucy-girl's bedroom is serious business|
|perry approves of the lovely drawer pulls mommy picked out for lucy-girl's room|
|perry is napping on the pretty new lavender sheets in lucy-grils room|